Nothing to Lose
by izukillme
Summary: Rukia of Inuzuri had nothing to lose. - Rukia, Byakuya, and letting go of her old, scared self.


**Nothing to Lose**

* * *

The floor is scarlet, Rukia notices through the pain in her chest. Bad taste in design, she thinks to herself hazily. Who paints a floor _scarlet_?

"Rukia!" A sharp voice cuts through her blurry thoughts, and she blinks. Byakuya hovers over her, eyes conflicted and worried, brows drawn together. "Rukia, stay with me!"

Dimly she realises that he is pressing her bloodied hands to her stomach, trying to stop the flow of blood. His own fingers glow green with healing Kido, and she feels a pleasant, cooling burn just under her _shihakusho. _

Her vision blackens a little and her eyes slip closed. A flashing pain on her cheek makes her start, a choked gasp coming out of her mouth.

"Rukia," Byakuya commands with all the poise and regal manner of the head of the Kuchiki house, "you _will_ live."

_I'm dying?!_

The thought is horrifyingly real; it jolts her back to the present with full force.

_Not here! Not here! I cannot die… not now! _

_I have too much to lose!_

The terrifying irony of the whole thing strikes her. Just fifty years ago, she'd been ready for anything, even death. And now, she desperately wants to cling onto life.

Rukia almost misses her old self, the streets' bastard child who had nothing to lose.

Whatever happened in Rukongai, whoever was injured – as long as it wasn't her, it was okay. And even if it was, well, Inuzuri wasn't much of an existence anyway, it was almost better to be consumed by a Hollow. There, she could be reckless and gallant and brave all she liked – no one was counting on her, needing her to live. She wasn't attached to anything or anyone; if she left it all behind, it wouldn't matter.

But now it does. It matters because she is bleeding out, about to die, about to leave this world forever_. _

And she doesn't want to. She has too much she's letting go of. A family, friends, a wonderful division, Shirayuki, _Byakuya –_

The old Rukia, the daughter of poverty and hunger, would hate her for clinging to life so pathetically.

But Rukia of now holds on with all the strength she has remaining, even as she watches her older brother coldly annihilate the opponent who'd reduced her to this, even as Byakuya's cool, comforting touch keeps her awake and with him.

Rukia of Inuzuri had nothing to lose. However, Rukia of Kuchiki is too close to losing everything. And if there is anything that she can do to keep it safe – she _will_.

She fights to keep her eyes open till her vision blurs completely and she falls into the sweet song of darkness.

* * *

"Rukia," is the first word she hears when she wakes. It is a relieved sound, a sound full of heartache and weariness and love.

It is the sound of her brother's voice.

"Brother," she manages, weakly coughing out her reply. Her stomach _hurts_, goddamn it – that damned Arrancar had really done a number on her.

Byakuya helps her sit up and his face is unreadable. She stares at him for a few seconds, a little worried about her brother's lack of expression after that outburst of his just now – it's an unnaturally emotionless face, even for him.

"Are you-" Rukia starts, voice still soft and shaky, "are you all right?"

Byakuya's face remains calm as a still pond on a midsummer day.

Then he asks her, tonelessly, "Do you know how close you were to dying?"

"I – brother, I-" is all Rukia can get out.

Because Byakuya's face has crumpled like how a tin can filled with cold water crumples when hot water is poured over it. All bent inwards, the proud, defined angles and lines of his face crooked, radiating fury. Rage and worry in his eyes, all directed at her.

"I said, Rukia Kuchiki, _do you know how close you were to dying_?!"

It's a roar, now. Rukia cowers in the face of her brother's anger, wishing herself away, praying that a hole would swallow her up.

Byakuya's cheeks are pink. He regains his composure and continues, deadly calm, "Do you know that you had lost most of your blood when I found you? Do you know that you were _this_ close to leaving me? Do you know that you tore apart my heart every second you were hurt?"

"I – I just-" she can't finish the sentence. There's a lump in her throat – sorrow. Sorrow for having hurt her brother, for having threatened to leave him permanently.

"Do you know that I almost lost you?" Byakuya's voice drops to a low rasp. He looks at his hands, long and elegant fingers wrapped tightly around each other so as to contain his pain.

"Brother," Rukia whispers, eyes welling up with tears.

_I almost lost you._

But that isn't true, is it?

_She_ was the one who almost lost _him_. _She_ was the one, through her foolish and rash behaviour, that almost left _everything _he'd given her behind without so much as a 'Thank you'. _She_ was the one that didn't consider what things meant, what it meant to have something to lose.

_She_ was the one who'd regressed back to lonely, untrusting Rukia of Inuzuri.

"I'm sorry, brother." Rukia tells Byakuya starkly. "I never meant to do it. I forgot that – that–" here she chokes up, and Byakuya's lips thin.

"You forgot that you had a family," he finishes for her.

Rukia nods tremulously.

Byakuya's eyes soften, and he gives her the tenderest look he has ever given anyone.

That's when she breaks down completely.

"It's just I was used to not having anything to lose," she sobs. "I was u – u – used to being alone and n – n – not having to care about dying! I was used to not having to care about anyone, even myself! I – I'm sorry that I worried you so much, I'll never do it again! I'll n – never l – l – leave like my sis – sister did!"

Warm arms draw Rukia into a loose hug, and her eyes widen even as her tears wet Byakuya's pristine _haori_.

"It is understandable," Byakuya murmurs into her hair as he holds his sister. "To forget that there are ones who love you, to not value yourself."

Rukia snuggles into the hug a little, tears drying.

It's then that the room explodes into a shower of colour and chatter.

They all enter simultaneously and assume positions in the room as if assigned them. Ichigo and Renji hang back just behind Byakuya, Yachiru is as usual perched on Kenpachi's shoulder, Unohana and Isane smile at her from behind Kenpachi. Her own captain rushes forth immediately, face worried as he puts a hand to her forehead.

"Rukia! Dear girl, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Captain," she assures Ukitake and gives him her brightest smile. He seems convinced, and places a kiss on her forehead before melting into the crowd. The others surge forward, offering wishes to get better, bearing flowers and chocolates. Even the humans are there, Uryū wishing her stiffly, Chad smiling softly and giving her a card, Tatsuki with an old stuffed rabbit that Rukia clutches to her chest with a promise of teaching Tatsuki some Shinigami martial arts in return. Orihime hangs back, her cheeks red, and Ichigo whispers something into her ear before coming forward.

"Rukia! You idiot!" he shouts along with Renji, and is it just her or are they both closer than is normal?

"I suppose I have been a bit of a fool," she admits, putting the thought out of her mind. "I am sorry that I worried you."

Ichigo grins and ruffles her hair. "Don't be a martyr, midget. I learned the hard way. Yuzu is _scary_ with a frying pan."

All of them laugh at the thought of Ichigo's mild, sweet sister bashing him with a frying pan. Even Byakuya cracks a smile.

Then it's just Orihime, and she steps forward almost tentatively.

"I just want you to know," Rukia's girlfriend tells her, head down and face furiously red, "I'll never forgive you for this! You made me worry so much, Rukia! _Never_ do that again!"

She crashes into Rukia with a tight hug, and Rukia can't help but return it even though her cracked ribs are screaming.

"Orihime… can't… breathe…" she chokes out finally. Her girlfriend smiles apologetically, and then brings her ahnds out from behind her back.

"I made you this."

It's a Shinigami's stationery set onto whose cover she's painted Chappy. Rukia gasps in delight, holding the gift close and promising to only ever use this from now onwards.

"I have another gift, too," Orihime says.

And then she delivers Rukia a soft kiss to the lips which has her blushing darker than a rose.

"I believe that is quite enough of the gift-giving," Byakuya says tightly. Orihime takes the hint and gets out of the room quickly, and Rukia leans back against her pillows dreamily.

She had been an utter idiot.

Rukia of Inuzuri might have not had anything to lose, but that also meant that she didn't have anything to care for, to love, to protect.

But Rukia of Kuchiki has everything to love and to lose. And she will protect her everything with all her being, if it means she'll have it for another day.


End file.
